Cold Turkey

Five years ago I was prescribed a high dose anti-depressant (Dosulepin) as a muscle relaxant for a chronic spinal condition.

A few years ago, the drug was found to cause heart problems with prolonged use and is now being withdrawn by the NHS. The recommended procedure was gradually reducing the dose and withdrawing completely over six months or longer. I was not informed of this at the time. I withdrew completely in two weeks.

These photographs taken by I and Bridget represent the struggle I had at the time coming off the medication.

People found the pictures disturbing, including my doctor, who said they were "too depressing to spend time with".

Hopefully, the pictures helped him realise the effects that unsupervised drug withdrawal had on patients. I was struck by how many people said they could relate to the pictures. Perhaps they expressed something that they found difficult to put into words.

After all, how do you describe something that at the time you can't understand? How do you describe the loss of control? How do you describe being unable to breathe but not caring if you breathe or not? How do you describe the need to be held but not bearing to be touched? How do you describe this person you have become?

I had messages from many people at the time. From recovering addicts, from grieving people, from those experiencing mental health issues. I doubt the photographs helped anyone but perhaps they let some people see that someone had felt the same.

In this case, the photographer used a person as a lens to film himself in some self-portraits.